Milestonesforlife

Well, it’s that time of year again. Time to sign the kids up for all the sports and activities they are going to attend until summer! I’m not sure if its me, but is this overwhelming or what? and does anyone consult your children along the way?

Here are 3 helpful things I’ve found to get through the process…

1. Consult your children on what activities they might enjoy (baseball, basketball, dance, girl scouts, skating, bowling). You might be surprised what you hear.

2. Put them in a level which is a comfortable fit. Historically, I always put my child in a level slightly beyond his means (ie coach pitch vs T-ball) hoping he will rise to the occasion. Sometimes, this has the opposite effect and your child gets frustrated resulting in an early end of season.

3. Sign them up with a friend and assist with the coaching. This is helpful if your child is still a pre-schooler because you really can’t drop them off and leave….and typcially no experience is necessary to help out.

Most important, ensure both you and your child are having fun! This ensures a successful season and possible return visit next year!

I know. It sounds foreign doesn’t it? We all want our children to succeed to their fullest potential. Why would we deliberately let our children make mistakes?

Well, kids need to make mistakes, experience the consequences, then get the chance to make a different decision. Whether its forgetting the homework, leaving for school without a jacket or missing a meal, as long as their decision is not life-threatening, they should be allowed to mess up. Then you can witness first hand how mature they are on thier next attempt.

My little 6 year old cut his finger on a jack knife at our first cub scout camping trip (see blog dated Nov 24th, 2008) . I didn’t even know other kids were allowed to have jack knives at that age. Long story short, my son is very careful around knives especially when emptying the dishwasher.

So,,,next time you’re about to correct a behavior,,play it through to determine if there’s any teachable moments.  

I was asked about Divorce and the Holidays the other day…and how difficult it was for each parent to compete with the other. Fortunately, I’m not dealing with that but rather another issue - an inter-faith relationship.

I posed these questions to Dr Kathi who had a totally different take on both - I expected nothing different. She said (without missing a beat),,,what a perfect time for parents to start new traditions with their children. Whether a parent finds him/herself in a new relationship, a new town, starting over or celebrating two holidays for the first time, our children will remember the time spent rather than the money spent. 

The one-on-one time and relationship between child and parent needs to be re-established and there is no need to hold onto expectations as to how things once were or how things are supposed to be - things only are as you make them. Expectations are self-imposed and not the expectations of our children. If we’re happy and committed to our children, it’s an easy thing for our children to embrace accordingly.

Well, by now, if you’re like me, you’re probably caught up in the craziness of the Holidays. Never a spare moment. Running from tree trimming to gift shopping to decorating…and how are we going to afford all those gifts that our kids want?

Well, this Holiday season, I’m a little less crazy because they’re not getting all those gifts they think they’re entitled to. I’ve come to realize that the only expectations we’re letting down are our own. So what if our children don’t get everything on their list…did they really expect to? and if so, who set those expectations?

I’m using the holidays as a perfect time to teach my 6 yr old about the value of money and giving. I made him buy the lego cargo airplane he wanted for $40 out of his own money that he earned. He earns $5 for washing my car so that plane means he had to wash my car 8 times.

He then realized how expensive that plane was.

But are our kids really measuring us by the amount of gifts they receive? or will they remember the time spent with us singing at parties, playing games together and having fun!

My bet is on the latter! so don’t sweat the gift agenda,,it really doesn’t matter,,only to you! 

Is is possible to push your child into a sport before he or she is ready?

Yes, that’s my son in the soccer picture. Age 3. The one crying on the end. I think it was Dad that wanted to be there more than him. Why not,,i was reliving my childhood. I loved the thrill of coaching. I forgot one thing. Everyone was having fun (including me) except my son.

Don’t get angry at me! It’s tough when you have to compete with every kid on the block! I finally found that by allowing my child to pick sports that he wanted to play, he was more apt to enjoy himself and excel. The past two years its been swimming and tennis. Hard to believe that a 5 year old can swim 20 laps in an Olympic size pool.

 …and finally this year,,he’s coming around to baseball. My favorite (I was a Babe Ruth all star). Sometimes I forget myself when I’m out there knocking kids over to make a play. Then, I remember, where is my son. Oh yea,,he’s over on the playground. Who’s agenda is this anyway?

I heard that by age 7, they finally start to like it,,,so I’m still hopeful! sigh…

Well, I did it! Having never camped before in my life, I made it through the night in forty degree temps in a tent in a sleeping bag (make that 2 sleeping bags) on my son’s camping trip for cub scouts! Well, needless to say, I didn’t stay very long the next day because I had nothing left to prove but boy did he have a great time!

I was pleasantly surprised when I arrived at this Christain Retreat in the hills of Florida (yes we have hills)…complete with Cafe, Game Room, Lake, Tennis, Ball fields and Canoes. They even had cabins which had I known would have been very tempting.  Anyway, the bonding experience that took place somewhere between the hayride, cooking smores and a very large camp fire is ir-replaceable.

Now, for those Dads (and moms because there were several moms) that are not quite into camping, here’s a few tips to get you through the night:

1. Worst Case, stay the entire day and leave at night after all the activities are complete. I didn’t realize that was an option until I arrived and already set up the tent. 

2. Arrive after lunch on Day 2 and leave very early on Day 3. This is what I did which made it bearable! (Considering the temps). We made it through breakfast (yes pancakes on the grill) and got in a little hiking before taking off for home.

3.  If you’re still reading this option 3, then you’re a true camper and you don’t need my advice. I was surprised to see that the campgrounds were filled with you folks who were watching football games from their flat screen TVs. (Is that really camping!)

Bottom line! We had a lot of fun! and although it will be a while before my next trip (smile), my son got to appreciate “mother nature” like she’s meant to be appreciated …and got a little bit closer to me!

What do you do when your child misbehaves? Do you sit him/her down, get eye contact and discuss what just went wrong? Well, Congrats, you may have just reinforced that negative behavior.

Children are constantly seeking our attention and if that means getting it in a negative fashion, they have succeeded in their mission. Many of us feel that “taking things away” or “giving things” will ultimately change a children’s behavior. Remember…Our childrens behavior is modeled after us.  If we change, they will change whether it small habits like “burping out loud” or larger issues like always saying”NO”.

Granted, if your child is in danger, you should act accordingly. However, when you see behaviors that you are not thrilled with, try moving away from them by not making eye contact or touching or talking. 

When you see a behavior you want to see again move closer, make eye contact and praise the specific behavior accordingly.

What do you do when your child mishaves? Do you sit him/her down, get eye contact and discuss what just went wrong? Well, Congrats, you may have just reinforced that negative behavior.

Children are constantly seeking our attention and if that means getting it in a negative fashion, they have succeeded in their mission. Many of us feel that “taking things away” or “giving things” will ultimately change a children’s behavior. Remember…Our childrens behavior is modeled after us.  If we change, they will change whether it small habits like “burping out loud” or larger issues like always saying”NO”.

Granted, if your child is in danger, you should act accordingly. However, when you see behaviors that you are not thrilled with, try moving away from them by not making eye contact or touching or talking. 

When you see a behavior you want to see again move closer, make eye contact and praise the specific behavior accordingly.

How many devices or gadgets does your child have? In his/her room alone, I can think of 3 (computer, stereo, dvd player) and just wait until they get to the playroom (gaming devices, Wii, handhelds, television, etc). This same technology follows them to your car and to their playdates.  It’s just easier for us not to have to spend time with our kids!

Well, you reap what you sow! Technology robs us of our imagination and reduces our interpersonal skills. Simple conversations become more difficult. Creativity and attentiveness in class become challenging.

Start with some simple changes by removing all devices from the bedroom. The bedroom is for sleeping and we should be conditioning our children to sleep in that room. Also, discuss with your child the reason you are making changes so they understand this is not a punishment!

By removing these devices, you are going to be forced to replace them with planned activities. Be prepared a head of time with activities and conversation. Introduce the old fashioned board games (chess, checkers, mousetrap, monopoly) and spend more time outside with the old fashioned sports (baseball, basketball, four squares, hop scotch).

Your child needs to learn from you and wants to spend time with you. Wash the car together. Go bike riding together. Play cards. 

Remember: your child is parroting your behavior (cell phone, blackberry). If your child is having behavioral issues, TIME for BOTH to UNPLUG!

If your child is having nightmares, you’re in for some sleepless nights…or maybe not!

Going back to our philosophy of identifying the trigger of these scary dreams, often times you’ll find a computer game, video or television responsible. It could also be related to school, daycare or stress about an upcoming event.

Talk to your child about the dream to determine the cause. Remember to keep bedtime habbits consistent. Read a story. Say your prayers. Lights out! and keep it early! 

If your child does come into your room to sleep in the middle of the night, be sure he/she wakes up in their own bed by morning. You can also walk your child back to their room and stay with them for a few minutes soothing them back to sleep. 

Providing love, safety and security will help most children through this period!