Milestonesforlife

This exerpt is from “Connecting with our Children” by Dr Roberta Gilbert and is very evident in today’s economic climate …please be aware of it!

Anxiety visibly passes between and among people in a family group. If Dad comes home upset because an important deal was lost or because he lost his job, he may begin to “take it out” on Mom, criticizing and accusing her of not living up to his standards of child or house care.

Mom may try to justify what she thinks and does so angrily or tearfully, or she may shut down, sad and quiet. In either case, Dad’s anxiety has moved to Mom.

Next, the three year old, seeing his mother’s distress, may begin to cry. The anxiety has moved to him.

Their six-year-old, noticing the emotional intensity, goes immediately to his room. The anxiety has now moved to him.

In this way, if the adults in a family have a problem they do not deal with and resolve, anxiety gets displaced to a child manifesting itself as something that may mis-diagnosed as problem behavior.

Remember, our children are watching every move we make!

I attended a fantastic positive coaching seminar last week for my son’s little league which can be widely applied. It was sponsored by the Positive Coaching Alliance (PCA) - positivecoach.org which is focused on double-goal coaching: winning and teaching life lessons.

Here are just a couple great takeaways:

1. Redefine Winner - Encourage players to meet “effort” goals which are tied to how hard they try.

2. Reward “Unsuccessful” Efforts - so players know you value the effort above all.

3. Flush/Park Mistakes - Fear of making mistakes can negatively impact performance. Flush(toilet)/Park mistakes and re-visit them as teachable moments after the game.

4. Fill the emotional tank - strive to achieve 5:1 ratio of positive reinforcements to criticism/corrections.

5. Use Kid-Friendly Criticism - asking a player if he/she is open to a suggestion makes the criticism easier to receive. Use If-Then statements (right from our own DVD).

6. Model and Teach a Positive Game -Include parents and children on conversations and life lessons. Email children and parents weekly newsletters and nominate a “culture keeper” (parent responsible for keeping other parents in line).

7. Behavioral problems - Reinforce the behavior you want. Ignore the behavior you don’t want. When you can’t ignore - Intervene in a “least attention” Manner.

I attended a great session on bullying at my son’s school on Friday. It was hosted and created by Jay Banks, a 25 year educator in the industry who has appeared on Nickelodeon, the Hallmark Channel and schools across the country.

It was delivered to parents, teachers and children at the same time so we got to hear the same msg with our children sitting with us. Great for ensuring we’re hearing the same thing and discussing at home.

The two big take-aways I received were as follows:

1. Bullying was defined as “trying to control anothers actions” such that it isn’t always physical…it can be verbal and emotional.

2. and second was the tools for our children to use if being “bullied”…S.T.A.M.P. out bullying meaning…

S - Stay away from bullys

T - Tell someone

A - Avoid bad situations

M - Make friends

P - Project Confidence

80% of our children are being bullied on a daily basis either physcially or verbally…so it might be worth a discussion with your child…regardless of what side of the equation you’re sitting on.

 Enoy!

Well, it’s that time of year again. Time to sign the kids up for all the sports and activities they are going to attend until summer! I’m not sure if its me, but is this overwhelming or what? and does anyone consult your children along the way?

Here are 3 helpful things I’ve found to get through the process…

1. Consult your children on what activities they might enjoy (baseball, basketball, dance, girl scouts, skating, bowling). You might be surprised what you hear.

2. Put them in a level which is a comfortable fit. Historically, I always put my child in a level slightly beyond his means (ie coach pitch vs T-ball) hoping he will rise to the occasion. Sometimes, this has the opposite effect and your child gets frustrated resulting in an early end of season.

3. Sign them up with a friend and assist with the coaching. This is helpful if your child is still a pre-schooler because you really can’t drop them off and leave….and typcially no experience is necessary to help out.

Most important, ensure both you and your child are having fun! This ensures a successful season and possible return visit next year!