Milestonesforlife

HO! HO! HO! The holidays are coming and with them, the decorations, parties, presents, and visitors which ultimately disrupt your family’s rhythm and routines. How well your child reacts to these changes has a lot to do with how you manage these sometimes stressful situations. Fatigue, too much to do, too many changes, and unrealistic expectations are just some of the stressors which will take a toll on both of you, and sets the stage for children’s challenging behavior.  The following tips will help you and your children enjoy the busy holiday season, and steer clear of the upsets that can ruin the experience for everyone:

·         Stay organized

o        Events around the holidays can be overwhelming, so remember to plan ahead.  Be selective about the activities you choose for your child, making sure that your child is developmentally ready to handle the situation. For example, if you want a picture of your child with Santa, begin to prepare your child in advance by reading Santa stories, and explaining what your child will do when he or she sees Santa. Say “We are going to the mall, and have your picture taken with Santa. We will wait for our turn to see Santa. When it is your turn, you will sit on Santa’s lap and tell him about toys you like. Then, you will smile and the photographer will take your picture with Santa.  Then we will say good-by to Santa”.

·         Stick to the usual daily routine when possible

o        The predictable day makes children’s lives easier because it provides a sense of order, but during the holidays, changes and special events often become disruptive to schedules. Keep in mind that it is best to keep to the basics of the day as possible-bedtime, naps, mealtimes-but when something disrupts your schedule, get back to it as soon as possible. Keeping your child well rested and fed will go a long way in preventing tears and meltdowns.

·         Make time to spend with your child

o        Providing extra love and attention helps to buffer stress and improves your child’s ability to cope with the excitement and the many disruptions of the holiday season. The greatest gift parents can give their children is their time. Don’t make the mistake of trying to create the perfect holiday experience-children quickly forget elaborate details, but will remember the time spent with you. Keep your holiday preparations simple, enlist your child’s help when possible, and have fun creating the holiday rituals that they will long remember.

·         Accentuate the positive

o        Always look for opportunities to reinforce the good behavior. Praise and a few hugs go a long way towards encouraging cooperation, developing a healthy self concept, and teaching your child new skills. The most effective praise is immediate, and specific, for example, “I like the way you helped me clean off the table”. Nothing else costs so little yet has such a life-long impact on children’s development.

      by Dr Kathleen Armstrong, Univ of South Florida

In these trying economic times, many of us will turn to our faith,,,which begs the question, why does God say no?

Here are some clues,,,

1. I asked God to take away my bad habits. God said “No. It is not for Me to take away, it is for you to give up.”

2. I asked God to grant me patience. God said, “No. Patience is a by-product of tribulations; it isn’t granted, it is learned.”

3. I asked God to spare me pain. God said, “No. Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to Me.”

4. I asked God to give me happiness. God said, “No. I give you blessings; happiness is up to you.”

5. I asked God to help me love my family and my children as much as He loves me. God said, “Finally you have the idea.” 

How much does the Tooth Fairy leave these days? I remember growing up and we received a quarter for every tooth. Now, it seems if your child doesn’t get at least a dollar from the tooth fairy something is wrong.

My seven year has friends who have received $5 and $20 from the Tooth Fairy. That is one generous Tooth Fairy.

Well, today, my son lost his front tooth and was so excited to wake up and find $2 under his pillow.  I’m wondering if the Tooth Fairy shows up for all 20 primary teeth? If so,  are front teeth worth more than other teeth?

Let me know what your Tooth Fairy is doing these days?

If you’re like me,,,your summer calendar is full of summer camps, vacations and trips to see family. There is barely a day of “down time” much less a week.

Funny! That’s not how I remember summers!

My childhood summers were filled with staying at home, playing with neighborhood kids, a weekly trip to a swimming pool and a one week vacation to the same place every year. Boy, did I love summers!

You get the point! Our children don’t know,,what they don’t know!

As parents, we are setting expectations as to what they should do for summer w/out consulting them first.  Granted, some of us have to work and they have to be supervised. But we should realize that our kids would be just as happy at the local YMCA or play dates with friends than “summer camp haven”.

Be careful not to over schedule this summer and remember to keep up the routines (ie reading, minimize tv, etc) so transitioning back to school in August isn’t so difficult.

In this economy, it’s difficult to watch the news or even pick up a newspaper without being depressed. So, it’s more important than ever, to make your own happiness (and ultimately affect the happiness of your child).

Here are a few hints for happiness per the Univeristy of South Florida’s “Science of Happiness Class” (ref St. Petersburg Times, April 16, 2009):

1. Count your blessings -keep a journal and write down things for which you are grateful

2. Practice acts of kindness (random and systematic) - what goes around, comes around.

3. Savor Life’s joys. - Pay attention to momentary pleasures (see last weeks blog about living in the present).

4. Thank a mentor (in detail and in person)

5. Learn to forgive - Let go of anger, resentment and anxiety by writing things down and working on a solution. This is the biggest cause of stress and waste of energy.

To really test your happiness , go to

www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu

No,,I don’t mean, get into your childrens’ present.

I’m referring to why people are having children at an older age. Case in point, I decided to adopt at age 41 because I had seen the world, had a busy career and was ready to settle down and enjoy a family.

More and more people are doing the same as well as having fewer children so they can enjoy their family “in the present”. Not to say, they’re  not running around between soccer games, cub scouts and baseball. But they are enjoying it vs adding their own busy career to the mix.

Just last night, I hear James Taylor (age 61) talk about his new family (twin boys age and what’s different.

The answer: I’m much more present.

Enjoy the moment because it goes fast!

I didn’t realize it,,but all kids under 16 must wear a helmet when riding a bike.

If you’re like me,,,,I’ve never even owned a bike helmet. So, it’s very difficult to insist that my child use one when his father doesn’t have one.  However, it is the law and if you want to make it easy,,,start wearing one yourself. Monkey see, Monkey Do!

Actually, today’s teens make it look cool to wear helmets because they’re using them for everything from skate boarding to snow boarding. You can dress them up w/ decals and paint them with your favorite team colors.

Chalk one up for Generation X for supporting the LAW!!!! 

I was swapping stories with a friend the other day and I was sooo happy to hear that I wasn’t the only “meanest Dad” in the world. To my chagrin, my friend was explaining that his 7 year old daughter was just calling him that same name that very morning for making her do her math flashcards.

Now granted, I’m not that mean, but I do hear that sometimes and I wear it as a badge of courage. Translation, there are boundaries and rules to be followed and your child doesn’t like them. 

This typically starts around age 6 when your child is just starting to strut their independence in 1st grade and they figure they’ll try the same thing at home. Do not cave on your discipline whatever it may be. Your child needs to hear that you’re still in charge and there are still rules at home.

Do like I do and wear it happily. When your child sees that it doesn’t bother you and, even better, doesn’t change your behavior, the name calling stops.

Perfect time for a teachable moment to explain why you’re enforcing a command (safety, bedtime, etc).  They’ll store it away -  lesson learned!

Being open with our children is an important ingredient in the parenting process. Children have a need to know what is happening in their family as things start to take on different forms such as divorce, job loss, relocation or even death of a loved one.

They need to know that the problems the family is now facing are not their fault. They need to know how to emotionally handle the changed environment at an age appropriate level. They also need to know what the changes may be and what provisions will be made for them…in other words, set expectations accordingly!

Since our children are constantly looking to us for queues and imitating our behavior, how we handle difficult times will most likely mirror our behavior and child relationships before the difficult times hit. If we were open and honest, transition will be easier than if we have hidden agendas and are covering lies.

When in doubt, network with friends who have been faced with similar experiences and learn from them. We will all get through it. However, for some, it’s easier to get through than for others because of the relationships/bonds already in place.  

Well, we’ve all heard that one before,,,but it’s never so timely as now!!!

My child came down with an acute case of anxiety disorder this week,,,and I’m wondering where did that come from? I know that I’ve been terribly non-attentive this week with deadlines approaching and several short term projects due at work…Wait, a Minute,,,,I believe I know where it came from!

With this and the economy on everyone’s mind, i’m trying to get my son outside more and engaged in more play to offset both our stress levels….and age 6 -10 presents perfect teaching moments for - Quitters Never Win!

Whether it’s T-ball or soccer, chess or music lessons, it’s important to encourage completion of our children’s lessons in their daily lives. Fast forward to today,,,and that’s the only way I’m getting through it! Longer hours, shorter deadlines and more stress,,,i’m lucky i have the discipline to draw on from my childhood!