Milestonesforlife

What do you do when your child misbehaves? Do you sit him/her down, get eye contact and discuss what just went wrong? Well, Congrats, you may have just reinforced that negative behavior.

Children are constantly seeking our attention and if that means getting it in a negative fashion, they have succeeded in their mission. Many of us feel that “taking things away” or “giving things” will ultimately change a children’s behavior. Remember…Our childrens behavior is modeled after us.  If we change, they will change whether it small habits like “burping out loud” or larger issues like always saying”NO”.

Granted, if your child is in danger, you should act accordingly. However, when you see behaviors that you are not thrilled with, try moving away from them by not making eye contact or touching or talking. 

When you see a behavior you want to see again move closer, make eye contact and praise the specific behavior accordingly.

What do you do when your child mishaves? Do you sit him/her down, get eye contact and discuss what just went wrong? Well, Congrats, you may have just reinforced that negative behavior.

Children are constantly seeking our attention and if that means getting it in a negative fashion, they have succeeded in their mission. Many of us feel that “taking things away” or “giving things” will ultimately change a children’s behavior. Remember…Our childrens behavior is modeled after us.  If we change, they will change whether it small habits like “burping out loud” or larger issues like always saying”NO”.

Granted, if your child is in danger, you should act accordingly. However, when you see behaviors that you are not thrilled with, try moving away from them by not making eye contact or touching or talking. 

When you see a behavior you want to see again move closer, make eye contact and praise the specific behavior accordingly.

How many devices or gadgets does your child have? In his/her room alone, I can think of 3 (computer, stereo, dvd player) and just wait until they get to the playroom (gaming devices, Wii, handhelds, television, etc). This same technology follows them to your car and to their playdates.  It’s just easier for us not to have to spend time with our kids!

Well, you reap what you sow! Technology robs us of our imagination and reduces our interpersonal skills. Simple conversations become more difficult. Creativity and attentiveness in class become challenging.

Start with some simple changes by removing all devices from the bedroom. The bedroom is for sleeping and we should be conditioning our children to sleep in that room. Also, discuss with your child the reason you are making changes so they understand this is not a punishment!

By removing these devices, you are going to be forced to replace them with planned activities. Be prepared a head of time with activities and conversation. Introduce the old fashioned board games (chess, checkers, mousetrap, monopoly) and spend more time outside with the old fashioned sports (baseball, basketball, four squares, hop scotch).

Your child needs to learn from you and wants to spend time with you. Wash the car together. Go bike riding together. Play cards. 

Remember: your child is parroting your behavior (cell phone, blackberry). If your child is having behavioral issues, TIME for BOTH to UNPLUG!

If your child is having nightmares, you’re in for some sleepless nights…or maybe not!

Going back to our philosophy of identifying the trigger of these scary dreams, often times you’ll find a computer game, video or television responsible. It could also be related to school, daycare or stress about an upcoming event.

Talk to your child about the dream to determine the cause. Remember to keep bedtime habbits consistent. Read a story. Say your prayers. Lights out! and keep it early! 

If your child does come into your room to sleep in the middle of the night, be sure he/she wakes up in their own bed by morning. You can also walk your child back to their room and stay with them for a few minutes soothing them back to sleep. 

Providing love, safety and security will help most children through this period!    

Well, we’re all struggling with this one!

Just how much allowance should we give our children? The answer is none!

Allowance should be EARNED and not given or expected! Allowance should not be used to reward good grades or sports wins…and when your child’s allowance is spent,,it’s gone.

Experts agree that you can start discussing money with your child as soon as they understand it (age 5+). However, you will quickly learn that they already have a foundation around money from your unspoken behavior at home, its benefits and frustrations. Start by getting them a piggy bank which they can put birthday moneys into graduating to a bank account, accordingly.

Teach them the value of money by associating it with certain tasks around the house.  If you compute the value of money w/ min wage, it equates to about 10 cents/minute.  Chores can be assigned a value based on how long they take to complete. ie raking the yard - $3-$5, keeping room clean/trash removal - $2.50 every other week, etc.

When your child asks for money or a toy, deduct the money from their bank account. If there is no money available, then none should be given. You can give them a job to earn the money if you really want them to have something ,,,vs giving them money!

…and remember no credit cards,,,use a debit card instead!

It’s that part of the day again. One that both parent and child have come to dread - > Homework!

If that sounds familiar? then it only gets worse from there. Your child inherits your views on many things including homework. Here are some positive tips to help…

1. Always have your child do their homework in the same location every day. Preferably at a desk, in a quiet area, away from noise and other distractions.

2. Allow a minimum of 30-60 minutes each night. If sports, scouts or other activites intervine, ensure homework is done at school or before the activity.

3. Encourage learning activities in the car commute.  Replace toys/videos with books, flash cards and learning games.

4. Keep homework fun. Typically start with most difficult assignment (s) first (ie math) and then move to lighter subjects requiring less energy. Encourage use of computer to help (ie google on math flashcards, reading games, etc).

5. Ensure your child is well fed which will help with their energy level.

6. Keep frustration to a minimum. Encourage independent work teaching them to come back to difficult problems.

7. Above all, check their work! Correctness is just as important as completeness! Encourage neatness as you are teaching them how to present themselves to the outside world.

Enjoy!

Don’t be surprised when your toddler starts asking questions you thought were years beyond their comprehension…questions about body parts? divorce? adoption? same sex parents? human nature? skin color? handicaps? elderly?

Don’t shy away from those questions because your child needs to hear honest answers from you. He/She is formulating their view of the world (including prejudices) based on your answers…And don’t answer more than they ask,,,they will come back with more questions once they have digested what you’ve told them.

Most importantly,,, be ready for your answers to show up on the school playground the next day! Everything from who you want to win the presidential election to who you’re rooting for in the World Series or Superbowl is fair game for your child to exploit to their friends!

Be a good parent and educate them on all sides of a story! Wisdom is Power!

It’s that time of year again when school is in full swing and the Scouts are already planning their first Camping Trip!

Scouting is a wonderful way to teach your youngster(s) about community service, survival and leadership. I worked my way up through the scouting ranks to weblo earning the different merit badges for various accomplishments.  It really helped me link academia with the real world.

Scouting is typically offered through your child’s school or church at around age six (first grade).  Our particular school has a unique program in that they meet every two weeks as a pack (instead of weekly den meetings). We first say the pledge of allegance together and then divide off into dens where each week a different mom or dad is responsible for leading the meeting. This way, we are never at a loss for volunteers and it cuts down on the expenses for the den leaders.

I would love to hear any ideas you can share about your scouting experience. 

For more information on scouting in your community visit girlscouts.org or scouting.org

Your child will love it!  

It helps to know how children learn when trying to teach them something. Children learn primarily one of three ways…

- By example

- By repetition

- Through Play

This brings us back to our fundamental parenting concept, your children are watching you whether you realize it or not. “Do as I say” and “not as I do” just doesn’t work well with a pre-schooler. You are the role model for your children which is why many issues such as alcohol use, drug use and smoking are passed down through each generation. 

Try turning difficult tasks into play like “sharing” or  ”taking turns”.  Once your little one enters the first grade, repetition especially on schoolwork (math, spelling words) will serve as a key learning tool.

I hear many parents say my child is misbehaving or my child isn’t listening. My first response back is “Have you taught them what is expected?”

We get so busy in our lives that we fail to take the time to teach our children what is expected. As an example, we need to teach them how to behave in public places such as restaurants. We need to teach them how to whisper in church. We can’t be annoyed at our children if we haven’t taught them proper behavior first.  

Wouldn’t it be nice if they just learned how to tie their shoes on their own? or if they learned to ”potty train” on their own? It’s doesn’t happen that way.

They are looking at you for their model of behavior. ”Walk the walk” you want your children to follow.